higher way...

that day was in church full timer prayer meeting...
(normally meet every Tues morning)...
then Chong Hiang shared with us about his trip to M'cca...
(wanna know more? visit www.fgcteenz.com to find out)...

then Uncle KimTai felt so moved and stood up and shared also...
(he's one of the senior pastors/veteran missionary)...
their sharing was so inspiring that we all decided to spend time to pray...
(they shared abt the call for prayer and their passion in prayer)...

we prayed for almost an hour and then somebody began to pray in understanding...
(we started to pray at 10.25am, prayed in tongues)...
but i just couldn't join in...
(normally I would)...
I was struggling and just 'refused' to pray...
(i put 'refused' bcoz my mind wanted to pray but my heart didn't want to)...

I was struggling bcoz i realized i was hurt by 'prayer'
I prayed but nothing happened...
I prayed but there was no answer...
I was disappointed bcoz even others prayed also nothing happened...

What i was praying?
My wife, Angela had a miscarriage some 5years ago...
since then we've been praying...
every time when people asked why we don't wanna have children...
i was speechless bcoz we wanna have but nothing happen...

eat supplement lah...
go for tube lah...
get some special prescription lah...

we did eat supplement...
but we wanted to trust that God can provide...
so we didn't go for tube or special prescription (some even say guaranteed)...
we just couldn't bring ourselves to go for it...

THEN...

people prayed...
people prophesied...
people encouraged...

STILL, NOTHING HAPPEN...

i was disappointed and sad...
so that morning i 'refused' to pray...
then the word of the Lord came...
"my ways and thought are higher..." (Isa 55:8-13)
"You will live in joy and peace..."

suddenly i was released...
... His ways and thoughts are higher...
... i will live in joy and peace...

Lord, help me to see those promises that you gave...
Especially those that are hard to see...
Especially when i was weak to see...
Especially when darkness is around me that I couldn't really see...

In you i find my joy and peace...
even when i don't have what others have...
let me be still and know that...
You are God Almighty...
In You are the possibilities...

I must confess that i still can't really take it and announcement of new born baby...
when people tell that their baby is on the way...
when people ask me 'don't wait, quickly give birth'
but i am learning to trust in the Lord...
knowing that He loves me beyond my understanding...
He died for me and gave His life to me...
Surely He will not withhold any good thing from me...

let me TRUST and OBEY...
coz there's no other way...