Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Faithfulness

Was looking through lots of of pictures and photos...
Finally.. I think it probably give a bit of my understanding of...
God's faithfulness...

Sunrise...

it reminded me that God never changes...
Whether rain or sunshine..
Dark cloud or clear sky.. it doesn't change the fact that the sun will always rise in the morning

Attended a church service recent Sunday...
They sang a song "Through it all"...
a song that I am very familiar with but it just meant so much to me that day...
"You are forever in my life.. see me through the seasons...."
I was so touch as I sang it...
Then it came to the chorus, "for Your faithfulness to me..."
tears just filled my eyes...

Indeed, no matter what happened, how far I have gone...
How lousy I think I am or how frail I have become...
He never changes...
He's always so faithful...
All the days... All of my life...

There are many parts of my life I consider them a dark age...
Now is one of them...
Tired, wounded, heaviness, ashamed...
Feels like a prodigal son, like shipwrecked
All kinds of feelings and thoughts...
yet one thing remain very strong in my mind...
He is faithful and good to me...

Daddy, thank You...
Thank You for being so faithful...
Thank You

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Walking again

except the hair part, the rest of the song is pretty much what i am going through


Oh but.. the thing is, I am not alone...
Thank YOU!! all of YOU who are walking with me...
Again...
And by His grace...
Will be stronger each day...
I am Walking Again..

ps.. Juwita, thanks for the song!!

Friday, September 20, 2013

Reflection

Few days off from everything..
really... so rare.. 
in fact, never did this before...

just to relax, reflect, recollect, rebuild...
plus repent, return, renew, restart...

Wah, too many.. i think...
just one step at a time...
don't have to try hard.. Just let Him lead...
don't have to push through... just let Him pour forth
He knows how much... because He knows me...
I just 'come'

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My little expedition

I seriously need to write this down before it fades away in my mind...
My trip to Mount KK...

I really can't remember when did Bob ask me if I would like to go...
But I am certain that the Hikers' group had me in mind when they plan the trip...
For that, I am grateful.. So before i write anything else.. I want to say this with all my heart....
THANK YOU FREEWILL HIKERS!!!

I did some training...
Gunung Pulai, stairs and the road of FGC...
However, i think it didn't really prepare me well for the trip...
perhaps it trained my stamina a little but it's far from what i really need..
what do I need? not more training but it was those hikers around me....
yup, you heard me, you need friends with you if you wanna make it to the top of KK...
it's really really hard if you go alone.. to me, it's impossible...

The fellowship, encouragement pre, during and post had made the trip...
really great and memorable...
Seriously, it was the group that gave me fond memory...
Their unity, care and support were so inspiring and overwhelming...

Well, back to the hike...
It was a mix feeling - I was excited, much anxious, quite happy, a bit of weary...
all at the same time...
excited because my dream came through...
anxious because really not sure what to expect...
happy because I was glad I came with the group...
weary because i think i was not well prepared...

Let me skip all the detail (from JB to KK) and go straight to the base camp...

2 May 2012
I remember when I took my backpack and went to my room (uphill) I already panted a little bit...
i was just thinking in my head "How am I suppose to make it to the top?"
Then after dinner (wonderful dinner) i was repacking then i realized i really was ill-prepared...
Why? because my team members had things that i never bring!!!
plastic bag for the foot - in case it rains and to avoid wet foot
err... i can't remember what else i didn't have.. LOL...
Oh ya, i realized my wind breaker isn't good enough..
Coz i really can't tahan cold... (now as i recall i also felt the freezing cold weather)...
But I told myself, can't worry to much, just gotta do it because I am at the base camp, ALREADY!!!

3 May 2012
The next day, everyone woke up really early to get ready...
So this is it - the real deal, the actual hike!
we had breakfast, then we took our lunch pack - bread, fruits and a bottle of water...
as we gather at the Mersilau departure gate, I could only feel excitement at that point...
after all the briefing, photo taking and stretching, off we go...

I didn't go with the expert and the 'powerful' ones, i choose to be with uncles...
we were those who were the last few who left (so that even if i arrive very late, i could have some excuses.. LOL)
if i remember correctly, there were (Uncles) Leonard, Tian Seng, Clarence, Bob and Gabriel...
Sincerely, I really thank God for them, they were so encouraging and persistent...
it was because of them I completed the hike...
After ascending for about 1.5km, we were descending...
"it isn't so bad after all..." i was thinking while reaching 3km...


I didn't notice much of my surrounding but rather trying to concentrate on my steps...
it was Bob who every now and then pointed out all the nice scenery...
I got happy too early because right after 3.5km, it was all the way up...
I perspired so much that as if i just came out of swimming pool...
Finally we 'met' the Timpohon group at Layang-layang...
By now, the Mersilau team had done about 6km..
the extra 2km was really a lot because it was all mountainous trails...


Along the way i tried not to drink too much water so i can avoid toilet...
I didn't have appetite but i ate nonetheless just to make sure i have energy...
I constantly pray in my heart for strength and perseverance...
I tried to walk small but consistent steps so I can keep going...
But when i reach about 7km, suddenly depression kicked in...
Actually i was ok all the way but i didn't know why...
just right after I took photo with Bob and his colleagues...
After they left, while i was looking at the scenery, i felt discouraged...
I felt so down and tears just roll down...
I didn't know what happen, i only knew i wanted to give up...
Just when i felt so sorry for myself (LOL, self pity), i just suddenly had a thought...
"eat chocolate bar, keep youself happy..."
So i took out my energy bar (choco base) and starting eating it...
Wipe off all tears and I started walking again (thank God no one was around)

WAIT... how come no one else? I didn't abandon anyone...
we broke up into even smaller group.. i was walking with Uncle Clarence...
while i was tearing, he was on his way up to where I was...
so, it was only just few minutes... ~ ~ `
Just before we arrive at Laban Rata (midway to the top), it started to rain...
actually it rain every now and then but it was just drizzling...
But it became quite heavy as we approach our destination...
Thank God, I (we) finally arrive!!! Laban Rata seemed a paradise to me then...
Finally I can take shower, eat and rest....

Err... Not really... only the eating part came through...
Can't really shower coz it was freezing cold... no hot water at all!!!
After much persuasion (to my own self), i finally walked to the shower room...
Not only the water was freezing cold, the surrounding was cold...
what made it worse was the low pressure of the water...
which means i can't run in, do a quick shower and run out...
I just can't describe it well enough... But i did it eventually...
But that cold shower did help a bit.. i felt clean and comfortable...
before that was soak in wet and smelly shirt...
with that freezing shower, it cleared my mind a little as well...

Didn't really sleep, not that I didn't want to but I couldn't
First, too tired... Second, too noisy...
there was a very consistent loud orchestra in the room that i was in...
almost everyone in that room couldn't sleep...
according to Uncle Leonard, who was sleeping below that guy...
the who bunk bed shook every time he snore...
!!!!! _ _ |||

But thank God the food was rather good...
it didn't bother me if the taste was good but as long as the food was hot...
we had our dinner, breakfast, and lunch at Laban Rata...
i was so glad that all tasted pretty good!

4 May 2012
They said if it rains too heavy then we can't go up...
I half wish it would continue to rain, half wanted to go up because I've come so far!!!
1am we started to get ready...
After breakfast, everyone gathered outside of the resthouse...
Thank God it was a go because the rain stop in time and the route was clear
we started ascending around 2.45am
With all the headlamps, there was a trail of lights in front of me...
We had about 20-30 flight of stairs before it became just mountain's steps...
Then we came to this part where we need to pull ourselves up with the rope provided...
Suddenly i was thinking how could Angela make it? (she was suppose to come along)
Thereafter we came to the check point... just about 1.5km from the top...
that's right, you can go all the way there but without the official tag, you are not allowed to go up...

The whole way up was really trying...
i was gasping for air, every step was so tough...
I remember as i crossed the check point, it became tougher...
it was so steep and the air was so thin...
i kept pushing myself to take one more step, just one more step...
Every time after I took about 50 steps i will look up, every time it felt like the top is not getting nearer....
because there was always a trail of lights ahead of me...

After about 2 hours... I finally arrived at 8km mark, 3929meter...
which means the top is just less than 1km away, 166 meter more, in height...
I just kept pushing myself, one more step, one more step...
after 15 mins, i look up, suddenly the summit appeared... right there....
My heart was beating so fast, not sure if i was excited or i 'worked' so hard...
But i was certainly overjoyed in my heart.
Frankly the final route up to the summit was much difficult...
i practically used all my limps to go up...


at about 5.25am I finally made it to the top!!!!!
I wanted to shout out loud "YEAH, THANK YOU JESUS!!!!"
but i didn't coz i wasn't alone.. there were many people there who also made it...
So i just kept thanking God in my heart, said it softly with my mouth....
I cried.. ya, again...
It was so cold but i just didn't wish to go anywhere, i was at the peak so for a long time...
I was there for almost 50mins... LOL... make it count, make it worth, make it memorable...
i wanted to call but no reception...
I once heard people call from the peak, wonder what telco is it...

The sunrise was beautiful, God is awesome...

Phew... i guess this is the longest blog I've ever written but this trip has so much to talk about...
i have cut it so short...
Just before i close this chapter, i need to write a few more things...
1. I am not sure if any training would really prepare anyone for the hike. this is because the climate and the air is something that we can't prepare ourselves for. Certainly anyone who wants a slightly easier hike, one must train physically so that the body can go on. However the one thing that one needs is determination.
2. Choose your group wisely, if the group is non-encouraging type, the hike would really be tough. I witnessed myself how this group (20+ of us) was so supportive. There are those in the group who would be the 'sweeper' (make sure no one is left alone, left behind), they rather stay back and walk very slowly (according to the pace of the slowest team member) with team member than to arrive at the destination on their own (even though they could). So, having a group of supportive and encouraging friends would certainly help a lot
3. Don't worry about the gears, just make sure there is walking stick, enough warm clothing, water bottle, rain coat, non-slippery + non-easily-detach-sole shoe is good enough. Mt KK is not those mountains that needs mountain climbing gears, just make sure you can walk in mud and on the rocks will do.

Once again, I want to thank the Freewill hikers, you guys are really an example: inspiring, always supportive, encouraging, never-say-die... I am glad I went with you guys, Thank you all for making this trip possible..

Thank you Jesus, You were always by my side...
Thank you Angela, I know you prayed so hard...
Thank you Bob, thank you so much, you really made this trip possible for me...
Thank you Uncle Leonard and Clarence, thank you for your encouragement and walking with me...
Thank you my friends, in any way supported, contributed... At least you read till this point...

Monday, October 1, 2012

'after rain'

Haha, after I wrote rain...
I realized, there are times I don't like rain...
1. When there's a huge load of laundry waiting to be cleared...
2. 30mins after I washed the clothes..
3. Just when I plan to go for a jog
4. Right after I washed my car
5. .. and my dog...

Other than that, I quite like rain..
Lol..
Kinda selfish...
Hmm.. In everything, give thanks

posted from Bloggeroid

Saturday, September 29, 2012

rain...

Woke up the other day realized it was raining...
very heavy...
Angela gotta drive to work and told her to be careful...
I think if I was the one who has to go to work at that hour with that weather...
I will certainly very unhappy...

But the fact is.. i like rain...
Not because I can sleep more..
but somehow rain has certain calming effect on me..
i think it does to many..
i once heard someone said, "i feel peace in rain"

me? not so extreme.. i just enjoy the cool weather..
enjoy the fact that every rain drop is doing its work..

rain cause me to think a lot...
I often find myself wondering who is in the rain?
who is suffering because of the rain..
who is feeling sad at the moment..
who can't go home because of rain...
... yup.. it causes me to think about others...
not in particular...
and usually i will end up praying...
so, i like rain...

the other day went to visit my niece in KK hospital...
as I was leaving, i saw from the glass door that it was heavy rain outside...
'gosh.. i forgot to bring umbrella..." i thought to myself...
wonder how long must i wait...
needed to go for a meeting so i kinda anxious...
as one lady walked in from outside, i realized the rain not so heavy anymore...
so i decided to start walking.. in the sheltered walkway...
but soon i will reach 'the end' where no more shelter...
i continue to walk nonetheless..
as i stepped out.. the rain just.... stopped...
i was surprised but i never stop and mesmerize by it...
i walk even faster as i realized the wind was blowing and more rain coming my way...

i quickened my pace and as i reached a tiny shelter (good enough)...
it started to rain again...
... to cut the whole story short...
from KK hospital to Newton circus bus stop (for CW5 bus) is about 1,5-2km...
along the way, hardly any shelter...
BUT... whenever i was in the 'open air', the rain stopped...
whenever i reach a shelter, it rained...
so in the end, i was not really wet...
He is so good...

Daddy was my umbrella that day...
I suddenly caught a glimpse of David's song...
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want...
His my everything and I take delight in Him...

Thank You Daddy... I like rain...

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Took for granted

Recently have been thinking about this..
"taking things for granted"...
The air that we breathe, food that we eat, people that we meet...
The love that we receive, the success that we achieve, the God that we believe...
The opportunity to serve, those that we love, the goodnews we heard...

None should be taken for granted..
Because none came to us because we deserve..
We can have all of them because of His love...
His unending, unreserved, amazing love...
All because of His grace...
Unmerited favor, covers all of my days
Thank You, Daddy..
Thank You

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

大哥

this used to be the in thing...











called the 大哥大... LOL...
now it's no longer craze by most of the people...
yet the title 大哥 still widely used...
i guess besides the eldest in the family...
people use it as a form of respect..
or trying to be respectful...
or trying to help to break a certain level of ice...

i use 大哥 to address some of the brothers in church...
basically to break some ice...
who likes to be called 小弟?
i started to use 师傅 recently (learn from my 师傅)
basically to reach the similar effect...
also a way to remind ourselves that we always learn from one another...
but recently someone was really offended by such 'title'...
so... i think i'll be very careful...

anyway, back to 大哥 a.k.a. big brother...
some regards me as the 大哥 in TnT...
some regards me as 大哥 because i have a little bit of wisdom...
really? am i wise? am i really leading the TnT? LOL

when i was younger, someone address me as kor-kor (哥哥)...
i was so uncomfortable.. so much so that every time i heard...
i will have 鸡皮疙瘩 (goosebumps)...
up till today, i still can't take it...

but as for 大哥... haha, i actually don't mind...
one of my best friends (Daniel) used to call me 大哥...
we (just 3 of us) formed a circle of 文人 (LOVL)
and just because i was the oldest, they address me as 大哥
seriously, i don't like such way of addressing and viewing..
coz it sounded so old, yet somehow it gives me a little bit comfort...
at least i am contributing to someone's life...
but... who am i? just doing my best, still trying to reach my best...
i dare not, would not want such 'title'...
less i'd be proud and haughty...

just 'nigel' or 'boonfei' or 'ah boon' or 'ah fei'...
basically, just my name would do...

BUT...
pls don't 连名带姓... LOL....
i just don't like it :p

Monday, April 2, 2012

love to read

like to read...
when i was young, much younger.. i like to read comic...
then slightly older, started to read chinese story books...

i never thought i'd finish reading any english story book..
remember years ago i bought the 2nd book of "left behind" series..
started but never finish...
finally i was introduced to CS Lewis' books - Chronicles of Narnia..
it was so captivating  that i finished the series... TWICE!!!
unbelievable...

BUT
i don't like to read text books, too boring, typical...
but no choice, studying course requires text book reading..
especially theological books.. so hard to understand...

Thank God for internet and the creation of blog...
nowadays one of my favorite reading materials is BLOG...
Thank you my friends for writing blogs periodically...
Thank you for sharing your life in such interesting way..
i just like to read ur posts... go on.. write more! :) 


Saturday, March 24, 2012

little time to think

when 2012 came knocking at my door...
i thought it would be a relaxing visit..
but who knows right after CNY, i've been so occupied by many events...

TIOS, Alpha, WL training, speaking engagement, ES camp...

Seriously, they are all not very hard but need time to think and plan...
perhaps i wasn't quick enough in my thinking process...
or maybe i juz didn't anticipate...
yet i need to admit that i am not a good 'forecaster'...
i can't think in detail..
that's why angela always said i need such person in all the events that i run..

but year after year, event after event... i juz can't seem to find them quick enough..
well, now i need someone who can help to think along with me..
one bad thing about "no time to think", everything happened to quick...
that i can't see what's wrong, where can i improve...

having said that, i discover that recently God has been very gracious to me..
while i have little time to think, God put in ideas and thoughts very instantly...
He has been giving me lots of insight, revelation within a very short time..
read the passage once or heard some pointers and i immediately picked up...
i know it's not me..
couldn't be me...
i am not smart, not wise, rather slow...
malay word is 'kayu'...
but God has been so good to me..

yesterday i was just thinking about what happened lately...
what i learned from the camp..
then suddenly it just dawn on me...
Christianity is really about relationship...
first relationship with God...
it's not about what can we attain from what can we do..
Love and salvation is a gift from our Heavenly Father...
who wanted to have a relationship with us..
so it's really not just about going heaven..
facing problem in lives, how to be good, etc...
it's about - developing a love relationship with God...
getting to know Him, discover His love and goodness..
Next is relationship with others..
not so much in pleasing or having a good time with others...
but how to love others, journey with them...
it's about knowing them as a person...
well, this is the part that is challenging...
because man has so many weaknesses...
which i am guilty of..

anyway.. sometimes it's good to have little time to think...
coz that's when we are supposed to know that we need His grace...
and His grace is sufficient..
no worries.. Jesus is in the vessel...